Love is in the air...
Ah, it's Valentine's Day, the cheap marketing ploy by Hallmark and souvenir companies that allows them to make a profit despite the fact that there is no actual reason to celebrate. This is the day wherein we ask ourselves, What is love? What is hate? What is that thing stuck between my teeth? Is that a gerbil? Of course, the only concieveably interesting part of this is that you may get free candy.
Which brings us to another topic entirely. Dentists love holidays like this one for obvious reasons. The other good holidays are Halloween and Easter. So, if your father is currently unemployed, just walk up to him and say, "Dad, I want you to become a dentist and support this family because fifteen years of being a hairdresser has softened you up to the point where you can't even step on a bug without squirming in a comical manner."
Valentine's Day is, of course, a romantic holiday, dating back to the later days of the Roman Empire where a young prisoner named Valentine had a problem. He had a crush on the prettiest girl in school. But how to tell her this without expressing his feelings in front of the whole school and becoming a laughingstock and running away and faking his age and joining the army and eventually ending up in the Roman wing of a European museum?
Suddenly, he thought of a cunning plan. It was the sort of cunning plan exhibited by Baldrick in the 1980's comedy, Blackadder, wherein every time one of them had a cunning plan, someone or something ended up dead. He bought a Hallmark card with a message like this, and wrote "From Your Valentine".
Unfortunately for him, there was only one person there named Valentine, so his crush knew exactly who it was. She showed it to her friends, and they showed it to their friends, and they showed it to their friends until suddenly the whole school knew how he felt and he became a laughingstock and ran away and faked his age and joined the army, and this led, directly, to the fall of Rome.
So, what are YOU planning tonight? Dinner and a movie? Romantic dinner? Romantic dessert? Romantic aftertaste? Jell-O wrestling? Clipping your toenails? Well, I'd like to point out that Ratko's still open for a date, and that you can take him out with only a $25 donation to the Campaign and 2 1/2 pounds of cheese.
Which brings us to another topic entirely. Dentists love holidays like this one for obvious reasons. The other good holidays are Halloween and Easter. So, if your father is currently unemployed, just walk up to him and say, "Dad, I want you to become a dentist and support this family because fifteen years of being a hairdresser has softened you up to the point where you can't even step on a bug without squirming in a comical manner."
Valentine's Day is, of course, a romantic holiday, dating back to the later days of the Roman Empire where a young prisoner named Valentine had a problem. He had a crush on the prettiest girl in school. But how to tell her this without expressing his feelings in front of the whole school and becoming a laughingstock and running away and faking his age and joining the army and eventually ending up in the Roman wing of a European museum?
Suddenly, he thought of a cunning plan. It was the sort of cunning plan exhibited by Baldrick in the 1980's comedy, Blackadder, wherein every time one of them had a cunning plan, someone or something ended up dead. He bought a Hallmark card with a message like this, and wrote "From Your Valentine".
Unfortunately for him, there was only one person there named Valentine, so his crush knew exactly who it was. She showed it to her friends, and they showed it to their friends, and they showed it to their friends until suddenly the whole school knew how he felt and he became a laughingstock and ran away and faked his age and joined the army, and this led, directly, to the fall of Rome.
So, what are YOU planning tonight? Dinner and a movie? Romantic dinner? Romantic dessert? Romantic aftertaste? Jell-O wrestling? Clipping your toenails? Well, I'd like to point out that Ratko's still open for a date, and that you can take him out with only a $25 donation to the Campaign and 2 1/2 pounds of cheese.
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