Happy Ap-- No! NO! NO-AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, April Fool's Day is nearly here again, and you know what that means: That's right, the future installation of millions more signs that look approximately like this:
Because the traditional practice of April Fool's Day gives people an excuse to be idiotic, more people are participating than ever before. We're only lucky this sign says "High Voltage". This means that the chance it will be used in a cruel April Fool's joke is moderate. However, if the sign looked like this:
...then the chance it will be used in a joke is: Yes, it will.
Who came up with the concept of April Fool's Day? To find the answer to this, we completely ignored the facts presented to us in reruns of a Simpsons clip show that we have seen about fourteen billion times, and decided instead to Ask Jeeves. Jeeves is, of course, a butler who knows about everything that has every been posted on the Internet since the dawn of man (approximately 6:19 AM). Why, if you asked him, "Jeeves, why are some feline creatures referred to as pussy cats?" he would instantly come up with several web sites to answer this question, shortly followed by several billion links to porn sites. Remember, we researched this phenomenon for highly journalistic reasons. This has led us to two basic conclusions:
1. Jeeves is a highly knowledgeable source that I may rely on frequently to solve my dilemmas on the web, such as where to purchase cheap nasal spray, and I would highly recommend him to my friends and family and maybe even get together with him and play poker some time.
2. Any butler who can remember the addresses and descriptions of several billion different porn sites is, quite obviously, a pervert.
But I asked him anyway. The specific question was: "Jeeves, just what kind of sick, demented lunatic ARE you?" After insulting him a bit more, I eventually typed in "April Fool's Day", and Jeeves carefully reminded me that this year April Fool's Day is on April 1st. Also, as a bonus, he tells me what date it will be next year, too! This sort of reliable help should be included in all search engines, as in:
Or:
Or even:
This sort of reliable service will really help me keep on top of my important appointments. Thank you, Ask Jeeves! Now I'll never forget what day April Fool's is! (I'll let you in on a secret. The US military is now taking advantage of Ask Jeeves's new technologies. For example, just before the capture of Saddam Hussein, the soldiers who found him took out their Palm Pilots, went to Ask Jeeves, typed in Saddam's name, and Jeeves showed them the way:)
Well, anyway, I asked Jeeves, and eventually he gave me this explanation:
The first of April is the Day we remember what we are the other 364 Days of the year. - Mark Twain
That clears that up! After much more research and coffee, I eventually found this explanation: Up until some year in the 1500's, France celebrated New Year's on April 1st. Everybody started making fun of the French, because they knew perfectly well that New Years starts on February 14th. As everyone who has ever spent fifteen minutes in the average American schoolyard knows, there are many golden rules to popularity. One of these is supposedly to make fun of everyone different than you. And this was indeed true in the sixteenth century. So people started playing practical jokes on the French, mainly by placing "KICK ME" signs on their backs. This is why they were known as the April Fools.
God only knows why the French kept celebrating in April. But they do have one excuse: They're French. I'm one of those people (well, not people per se, but definitely some sort of member of the rat family) who are quite happy to receive a note that says something like "Veuillez payer votre facture de Mobility de Bell, ou bien nous pouvons décider d'envoyer notre petit ami Brutus pour vous parler et laissons la police vous trouver à l'intérieur de la gare routière dans quatre sacs séparés de Glad" because it shows that people still know he's alive, but whom have no idea what it says and just throw it away because we know it's just those wacky French again, and I had better jump into the car and drive as far away as I possibly can. But they still find me. Right now I'm in Alaska.
But this is not my point. Evidentially, I don’t have a point. But I just want to point out to the French here that I have almost deciphered their code, because now I know more French than I ever have before! Now I can translate “rate de furet”.
Because the traditional practice of April Fool's Day gives people an excuse to be idiotic, more people are participating than ever before. We're only lucky this sign says "High Voltage". This means that the chance it will be used in a cruel April Fool's joke is moderate. However, if the sign looked like this:
...then the chance it will be used in a joke is: Yes, it will.
Who came up with the concept of April Fool's Day? To find the answer to this, we completely ignored the facts presented to us in reruns of a Simpsons clip show that we have seen about fourteen billion times, and decided instead to Ask Jeeves. Jeeves is, of course, a butler who knows about everything that has every been posted on the Internet since the dawn of man (approximately 6:19 AM). Why, if you asked him, "Jeeves, why are some feline creatures referred to as pussy cats?" he would instantly come up with several web sites to answer this question, shortly followed by several billion links to porn sites. Remember, we researched this phenomenon for highly journalistic reasons. This has led us to two basic conclusions:
1. Jeeves is a highly knowledgeable source that I may rely on frequently to solve my dilemmas on the web, such as where to purchase cheap nasal spray, and I would highly recommend him to my friends and family and maybe even get together with him and play poker some time.
2. Any butler who can remember the addresses and descriptions of several billion different porn sites is, quite obviously, a pervert.
But I asked him anyway. The specific question was: "Jeeves, just what kind of sick, demented lunatic ARE you?" After insulting him a bit more, I eventually typed in "April Fool's Day", and Jeeves carefully reminded me that this year April Fool's Day is on April 1st. Also, as a bonus, he tells me what date it will be next year, too! This sort of reliable help should be included in all search engines, as in:
Or:
Or even:
This sort of reliable service will really help me keep on top of my important appointments. Thank you, Ask Jeeves! Now I'll never forget what day April Fool's is! (I'll let you in on a secret. The US military is now taking advantage of Ask Jeeves's new technologies. For example, just before the capture of Saddam Hussein, the soldiers who found him took out their Palm Pilots, went to Ask Jeeves, typed in Saddam's name, and Jeeves showed them the way:)
Well, anyway, I asked Jeeves, and eventually he gave me this explanation:
The first of April is the Day we remember what we are the other 364 Days of the year. - Mark Twain
That clears that up! After much more research and coffee, I eventually found this explanation: Up until some year in the 1500's, France celebrated New Year's on April 1st. Everybody started making fun of the French, because they knew perfectly well that New Years starts on February 14th. As everyone who has ever spent fifteen minutes in the average American schoolyard knows, there are many golden rules to popularity. One of these is supposedly to make fun of everyone different than you. And this was indeed true in the sixteenth century. So people started playing practical jokes on the French, mainly by placing "KICK ME" signs on their backs. This is why they were known as the April Fools.
God only knows why the French kept celebrating in April. But they do have one excuse: They're French. I'm one of those people (well, not people per se, but definitely some sort of member of the rat family) who are quite happy to receive a note that says something like "Veuillez payer votre facture de Mobility de Bell, ou bien nous pouvons décider d'envoyer notre petit ami Brutus pour vous parler et laissons la police vous trouver à l'intérieur de la gare routière dans quatre sacs séparés de Glad" because it shows that people still know he's alive, but whom have no idea what it says and just throw it away because we know it's just those wacky French again, and I had better jump into the car and drive as far away as I possibly can. But they still find me. Right now I'm in Alaska.
But this is not my point. Evidentially, I don’t have a point. But I just want to point out to the French here that I have almost deciphered their code, because now I know more French than I ever have before! Now I can translate “rate de furet”.
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